"Guy" vs." Gentleman": Ten Tips on How to Make a Guy a Gentleman

There have been several times that I've shared in this blog my thoughts about men being gentlemen, including: 20 Things That Make a Man a Gentleman and Some Say Chivalry Is Dead. I Don't Agree, But It Needs Strengthening! I recently saw an article titled Turn Your Guy into a Gentleman and it caught my attention because it seems that there are fewer articles these days about being a gentleman. This particular article contained ten tips for ladies who want to turn their guys into gentlemen. In the article's introduction it states:

"Three hundred years ago men were gentleman by nature. Even the art of war was gentlemanly. To be honest, men were still gentlemen in the 1950's. Society has changed a lot over the past few decades, and while some of those changes have been wonderfully helpful to women everywhere... some of those changes have not. The fact that men don’t feel the need to be "gentlemen" anymore is definitely not a good change."

I'm not a woman, but I agree with that statement. It does seem that a majority of men don't feel the need to be "gentlemen" anymore. This particular article -- yes, written by a woman -- provided ten tips for turning guys into gentlemen and I wanted to share it with you today.

1. Force Him to Dress Up

You have to put your foot down and make him wear nice clothes. Okay, he might not be willing (or possibly even capable) of looking like he stepped right out of a J. Crew catalog, but he should at least own pants without holes and shirts that aren’t flannel. When he tries to go out with you looking like he just stepped out of a hard rock concert, tell him he has to change his clothes or go on without him. Don’t accept his terrible wardrobe, and if he doesn’t have anything good then you might have to go get him something.

2. Wait for Him to Open the Door

Don’t walk in front of him, walk beside him and make sure he opens the door for you. Pause in front of the door and smile at him sweetly and ask if he’ll open the door for you please. Start out doing this when your hands are full and then eventually he’ll start opening the door even when you’re hands are free.

3. Remind Him to Say Please

If your guy is the kind to say “Honey, grab me a sandwich, will you?”, then take it upon yourself to make him into more of a gentleman by telling him to “say please.” Do it in a cute, teasing manner the first few times, then smile and lift an eyebrow at him until it just becomes second nature to the man.

4. Remind Him to Say Thank You

Getting a man to say thank you is a little different, usually it takes trickery. I don’t recommend forcefully reminding your guy to say thank you until he’s reached the point of using the above manners automatically, and then you shouldn’t tell him to say the words, you should remind him that you would “just like a little appreciation once in a while for all the things you do for him.”

5. Hold Fancy Dinner Parties

If you want to bring out the best in your man, you have to show him some gentlemanly examples. Host some serious dinner parties with your friends where your man has to dress his best and can be around other guys who are on their "best behavior."

6. Go to Nice Places

Going out for pizza every night is always the easiest dinner option (and you don’t have to dress your best), but every once in a while force your man to show his gentlemanly side by making him dress up and take you out for a fancy dinner.

7. Be the Example

You can’t exactly turn your man into a gentleman by not being a lady. Show him your best side too by practicing the same rules. Say please and thank you, dress up for an evening out to dinner, and be the lady every gentleman deserves. This works both ways.

8. Don’t Reward Bad Behavior

If your guy is sitting around belching and eating with his fingers, then you can’t exactly change his manners if you’re laughing it off. Don’t make light of his bad behavior, because it will only encourage him to continue his old habits.

9. Don’t Accept his “It’s a Guy Thing” Excuse

One of the most common excuses men use for bad behavior is “It’s a guy thing.” Okay, I’ll admit, there are definitely some “guy things” out there, but being rude and obnoxious is not one of them. Your man is quite capable of being a gentleman, with very little work, if he really wants to be one. If he doesn’t want to be a gentleman then you’ll know how he really feels about you. All men want their women to love and respect them, and if he’s a real man who really loves you then he’ll be the gentleman you deserve.

10. Appreciate His Good Gestures

Just as much as you don’t want to reward bad behavior when trying to turn your man into a gentleman, you also don’t want to forget to appreciate when he’s genuinely trying to do the right thing. He won’t get it perfect for a while, but you need to encourage and appreciate him by saying thank you to him for holding the door open, or for refraining from talking your best friend’s guy into a belching competition during that fancy dinner party. Admire him when he’s dressed nice for you and genuinely show him how much you appreciate his gestures. Your man will be a gentleman in no time!

So, there you have it. A list of ten tips for turning a guy into a gentleman. I primarily learned my manners and gentlemanly traits from watching how my father treats my mother -- and they've been married for 66 years. I notice when other men open a car door for their lady, when they help her on with her coat, or when they are dressed nice and clearly focused on the woman they're with. Sadly, it's becoming a less frequent sight in today's world. I hope that my sons will always be a gentleman with the women in their lives and that their example will be seen, and perhaps mirrored, by other men that they know.

From Him, Through Him, For Him (Romans 11:36),

Paul J. Staso

_______________________________________

Visit my YouTube channel -- https://www.youtube.com/user/pacetrek

Click on any of the links below to see some of my adventure photos:

• United States in 2006 (3,260 miles solo in 108 days at age 41)
• Montana in 2008 (620 miles solo in 20 days at age 43)
• Alaska in 2009 (500 miles solo in 18 days at age 44)
• Germany in 2010 (500 miles solo in 21 days at age 45)
• The Mojave Desert in 2011 (506 miles solo in 17 days at age 46)
• Various Photos From Mileposts Gone By
• Students Worldwide Who Ran With Me Virtually
• Roadside Sights From My Running Adventures
• Some Cycling Moments From The Past

20 Things That Make a Man a Gentleman

I was recently reading an article in the Gentleman's Journal about twenty things that make a man a gentleman. For those of you who don't know, the Gentleman's Journal is a men's lifestyle publication, with a focus on style, etiquette, travel, cars, business and property. What caught my eye about this particular article was the teaser -- "Ever asked yourself how to be a gentleman? Here's our list on what defines one, from holding open doors to a firm handshake."

I'm only a couple of months away from my 55th birthday and I consider myself a rather old-fashioned guy. I think that the problem with many of today's younger men is that they consider the etiquette and manners associated with being a "gentleman" as rather antiquated. In fact, I believe that there are a growing number of women who may feel the same. Regardless, I like the twenty points made in the article and want to share it today... word for word. And yes, the photo accompanying this writing is of me carrying my bride away on our wedding day. I love being her gentleman!

20 Things That Make a Man a Gentleman

Trends come and go, as do some friends and some lovers, but one thing that remains constant is the notion that men should aspire to be gentlemen. What exactly this entails is up for heated debate. How do you define a 'gentleman'? We define the characteristics of the modern gentleman as follows:

1. A gentleman never tells.
No gossiping, spreading scandalous rumors or running others down. You’re not Alicia Silverstone in Clueless (at least, not the last time we checked) – a real gent always protects the integrity of both himself and people around him.

2.  A gentleman knows that anything worth having is worth working hard for.
Shortcuts, free rides, those tiny samples of cologne in magazines – these have no place in a gentleman’s world. You only get what you give, and rightly so.

3. A gentleman knows how to dance.
Not too much, no one likes to see a grown man at a family wedding moonwalking and dramatically grabbing his testicles à la Michael Jackson. You need just enough fine footwork to be able to confidently hold the floor, for a romantic dance or two, with your better half.

4. A gentleman helps any woman with her baggage.
Woman, man, dog – if a gentleman spots any living being struggling with something heavy he immediately offers assistance. If you suspect later it may have been a body, best to call the appropriate authorities.

5. A gentleman always RSVPs.
Don’t leave your nearest and dearest hanging. Reply promptly, and be sure to bring the party when you arrive.

6. A gentleman knows the difference between confidence and arrogance.
Arrogant: Simon Cowell when his contestant gets through to the final and he can barely contain his self-satisfied grin. Confidence: James Bond at his best, strong and admirable (minus any of the questionable 1960s sleaziness. Different times).

7. A gentleman is open-minded.
Sharp wit can win any augment, but an intelligent gentleman knows the benefit of listening to other’s views and being prepared to learn and develop his world view – be this on olives (always delicious) or unchecked market deregulation (sketchy at best).

8. A gentleman constantly proves that chivalry is not dead.
Not dead, but evolved. Good manners remain essential, whereas chivalry regarding practices such as "don’t burn down or destroy houses without good reason" are less pertinent in modern times.

9. A gentleman should go out his way to never make anyone cry.
Unless it’s tears of happiness from that vintage Jaguar you surprised her with for your anniversary. (See also, chopping onions).

10. A gentleman never lies to a woman.
To be honest this shouldn’t be gender specific either. Liars are bad eggs full stop. The only time they are acceptable are when (a) they involve Father Christmas or (b) a woman has had a questionable visit to a hair salon. She knows it’s bad. You know it’s bad. She knows you know it’s bad. Say it looks wonderful, and move on.

11. A gentleman doesn't always make the first move.
First move, last move, in-between move – whoever made it, if you’re both fully consenting adults and you’ve got it on, just enjoy the moment.

12. A gentleman means what he says and says what he means.
No doublespeak, no having to read between the lines – while never being rude or insensitive, a gentleman finds a tactful way to be open about his thoughts and feelings.

13. For a lady, a gentleman always offers his seat and opens the door.
This time-honored gentlemanly gesture has become problematic in the modern world. For us, it’s straight-up good manners, a spot of polite chivalry worthy of being preserved, while letting other chivalrous customs such as shooting a love rival’s brains out at dawn be consigned probably rightly to history.

14. A gentleman never judges.
Fast judgements say more about the person making the judgement, than those being judged. As the old adage goes: never judge a book by its cover.

15. A gentleman is always well presented.
No matter what company, occasion or top secret mission, dress like it’s your last day on earth. If you think that means hanging around in your dressing gown drinking sub-par red wine, there’s work to be done.

16. A gentleman has a firm handshake and always makes eye contact.
Weak grips and averted gazes are huge no-nos when one gentleman meets another. Like-wise a vice-like power grip to bring tears to another man’s eyes are to be avoided.

17. A gentleman always offers his coat to a lady.
Some may consider this blisteringly dated, but sacrificing one’s comfort for that of a lady is an act of attentiveness and selflessness. You may be left shivering in the elements, but you can enjoy the warm glow of altruism emanating from your very core.

18. A gentleman knows how to cook.
Being able to prepare one good, full meal should be the bare minimum. If you can make a Beef Wellington with the lights off, god, we’ll marry you.

19. A gentleman always walks a woman home.
It’s not old-fashioned, it’s good manners. Take her to the door, and wait till she’s safely inside. Standing out in the rain two hours later waiting for her bedroom light to go off: not so gentlemanly.

20. A gentleman always offers to pay.
"I’ll get this one" – one of the most important phrases in the gentleman lexicon. Be it a date, business lunch, or catch-up with friends, be the first to offer to pay the bill. Better still, find the waiter, and settle it before it even comes to the table.

From Him, Through Him, For Him (Romans 11:36),

Paul J. Staso

_______________________________________

Visit my YouTube channel -- https://www.youtube.com/user/pacetrek

Click on any of the links below to see some of my adventure photos:

• United States in 2006 (3,260 miles solo in 108 days at age 41)
• Montana in 2008 (620 miles solo in 20 days at age 43)
• Alaska in 2009 (500 miles solo in 18 days at age 44)
• Germany in 2010 (500 miles solo in 21 days at age 45)
• The Mojave Desert in 2011 (506 miles solo in 17 days at age 46)
• Various Photos From Mileposts Gone By
• Students Worldwide Who Ran With Me Virtually
• Roadside Sights From My Running Adventures
• Some Cycling Moments From The Past

Some Say Chivalry Is Dead. I Don't Agree, But It Needs Strengthening!

The other night at dinner, my wife, step-daughters (ages 10 and 13) and I got into a discussion about old-fashioned values and chivalry. Both of my step-daughters appreciate the fact that I not only open the car door for their mother, but I do it for them as well. All of them appreciate that I walk side by side with them and don't stride ahead -- leading the way out of reach. I pay for date nights, wash dishes, vacuum, and help with grocery shopping. They appreciate that I'll do the messy and very strenuous jobs around the house, like shoveling snow off of the driveway, cleaning the gutters, or taking out the trash. However, they also know that I am a fading breed and that old-fashioned values and chivalry seem to be nearly non-existent.

Today, I read the following words online:

Chivalry is Dead! At one time, men were allowed to express the way they honored women by doing chivalrous acts such as: opening the door for a woman, pulling out her chair, paying for dinner, and other acts. It no longer lives as these things are offensive to women in the wake of feminism due to the myth of male power, otherwise known as the 'patriarchy.' Men now are floundering in society as they cannot express any genuine acts of true masculinity because it has been branded as 'toxic' and 'oppressive.'

What a sad commentary about the state of chivalry in our world today! I want to share some thoughts about my own position on old-fashioned values and chivalry.

I was born in 1965 and grew up watching my father treat my mother as a true gentleman should. Chivalry definitely shined through his acts and words, and I not only observed that through my father's example, but also through the example of other men in the 1970's. During that decade I watched such television programs as Mister Rogers' Neighborhood, The Andy Griffith Show, Mayberry R.F.D., Little House on the Prairie, and The Waltons. Men in these programs regularly talked about and displayed old-fashioned values and chivalry. From a young age I was exposed to examples of how a man should treat a woman and what it means to be a gentleman. That seems to be lacking in our world today.

The dating website, Match.com, did a survey of today's single women and asked if they believe that chivalry is dead. Sadly, 73 percent responded that chivalry is indeed dead. When asked what kinds of "chivalrous acts" they would like to see modern men do, single women listed many things -- and here are just a few:

• Sending a quick text throughout the day;
• Not having his phone at the dinner table;
• Letting the woman choose the Netflix program to watch;
• Posting a photo of their partner/date on social media;
• Paying for the Uber ride; and,
• Listening to her Spotify playlist instead of his.

Of course, modern technology appears to be at the center of what today's women consider to be 'chivalrous acts.' Paying for dinner, opening a door for her, pulling out her chair, assisting with her coat, and similar acts don't appear to be very important. As the recent match.com survey summarized, "we’d like men to realize that most of us mastered basic motor skills by the age five." Ouch! Overall, 45 percent of the women surveyed said that men were out of touch with modern dating.

I'm so happy to be married to a beautiful, sweet and loving woman who appreciates my old-fashioned values, my gentleman approach, and my acts of chivalry. Sure, I've received some strange looks from guys in the supermarket parking lot when I open the car door for my wife, but I've also received looks from women who are clearly envious of my wife. I believe that in their heart, most women want an old-fashioned man who can be a gentleman. That doesn't mean that those women are weak. It means that they appreciate their man holding them in esteem and wanting to care for and protect them.

Men, look at your wife, girlfriend and/or partner and try just one way this week to be a true gentleman. If you haven't been opening car doors for her, give it a try! Chances are, she will be rather surprised and -- barring a modern-day feminist response -- she may truly appreciate it in her heart (even if she says nothing) and it may be a simple step toward strengthening your relationship. Chivalry isn't completely dead, but it does need to be taught through words and consistent acts. Chivalry, in a nutshell, is courtesy and honor. Certainly we men can show that to the women we want by our side.

From Him, Through Him, For Him (Romans 11:36),
Paul J. Staso

-- Pictures and Videos on Instagram: Run_Bike_Cross

_______________________________________

Visit my YouTube channel -- https://www.youtube.com/user/pacetrek

Click on any of the links below to see some of my adventure photos:

• United States in 2006 (3,260 miles solo in 108 days at age 41)
• Montana in 2008 (620 miles solo in 20 days at age 43)
• Alaska in 2009 (500 miles solo in 18 days at age 44)
• Germany in 2010 (500 miles solo in 21 days at age 45)
• The Mojave Desert in 2011 (506 miles solo in 17 days at age 46)
• Various Photos From Mileposts Gone By
• Students Worldwide Who Ran With Me Virtually
• Roadside Sights From My Running Adventures
• Some Cycling Moments From The Past