Tuesday, August 4, 2020

As a Runner, I Didn't Look Back. As a Dad, I Look Back Now and Then.

I remember my junior high track coach shouting at me "Don't look back!" as I ran races. When I first started running, back in 1976, I had a tendency to look back to see how far I was in front of the other runners. I learned not to do that and to simply focus on the distance remaining in front of me. However, as a parent for the past 27 years, I find that looking back occurs from time to time -- and that's not a bad thing.

It was 20 years ago this month that my second eldest daughter, Ashlin, started Kindergarten. She was wide-eyed and so excited as she sat there eagerly awaiting the teacher to begin class. She had her name tag, her hair pulled up in a red scrunchie, and a new box of crayons. She was nearing six years of age and I was a 35-year-old Dad working in the field of law.

Ashlin was happy to have me at her classroom for the start of her first day of school. I'll never forget her giving me a big hug with a broad smile, saying: "I'll be okay, Daddy. I love you." For any parent, that moment is significant. It's when a parent realizes that their child is indeed growing up and is beginning a new phase of life... one that isn't so sheltered by simply being at home, playing in the yard, and watching cartoons on television. The first day of school is the first day of stepping into the world without a parent within shouting distance.

No child understands the significance of such a moment until the time comes in life when they are a parent and are on the receiving end of such a hug, such a smile, such a step apart. Life is actually full of such moments. Graduations, relocations, weddings... they are all times of stepping away while at the same time stepping toward something else. Sometimes these moments are the result of necessary obligations and other times they are by direct choice.

My four children are all adults, blazing their paths on this big blue marble we call earth. They don't need me anymore, and I guess that's how God designed it to be. They're all capable of handling life without leaning on me for anything. Hopefully, in their hearts they'll always remember the good times, feel the love that their father has for them, and occasionally look back and, perhaps, smile.

 I'll be okay, Ashlin. I love you.

From Him, Through Him, For Him (Romans 11:36),

Paul J. Staso
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